


The Hardship of Goodbyes

by TobytheWise



Series: Tumblr Fics :) [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 08:43:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16114886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TobytheWise/pseuds/TobytheWise
Summary: “Don’t you dare,” Dean grits out through clenched teeth. “You don’t get to say that now.” Benny’s face falls but Dean keeps going. “You don’t get to say those words as some grand gesture, goodbye, last hooray bullshit. No.” Dean’s arms tighten around the vampire, pulling them back together so they’re chest to chest. Dean buries his face in Benny’s neck as he whispers, “you don’t get to say it as a goodbye, damnit. You say those words when you’re top side again. Those words are gonna mean the start of something, not the end.”





	The Hardship of Goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> This story is for sorrythatwasamistake. Thank you again. :)

“Hey, yeah. It’s me. I know man, it’s been a long time,” Dean says into his phone. “I wanted to call sooner, it’s just I thought it might be better if I didn’t.”

“It’s so good to hear your voice again, Dean. I mean that,” Benny says in his warm, southern voice that makes Dean’s face heat. Fuck, how he’s missed that voice.

“How you been?” Dean asks, voice gruff. He hates himself for what he has to do. What he has to ask.

“Oh ya know,” Benny sighs. “I get by.”

“I guess I let ya down.” Just like everyone else, Dean thinks bitterly. 

“I’m just happy to finally hear from you.”

Dean grits his teeth. It’s exactly what he wants to hear from the other man. Yet, exactly what he can’t accept. Not now. “You might change your mind about that.”

“Why? What you mean?”

Dean flinches slightly before saying, “Benny, I gotta ask you a favor. It’s a big one.”

~~~

Dean gets out of the Impala as Benny parks his truck. His shoulders are tight and his body tense. He can’t do this. But he has too. 

With his head down, Dean says, “you want nothing to do with this I completely understand.” He finally looks up into those crystal blue eyes he fell in love with in purgatory. Fuck. His chest constricts just thinking about what he’s about to do. 

Benny shakes his head letting out a whistle. “Wow. Dean Winchester asks for a favor, he’s not screwing around.” Dean feels sick to his stomach as Benny’s dimples show as he’s talking. How did Dean forget the vampire had those? 

Dean’s hands stay firmly in his coat pockets so he’s not tempted to reach out and touch what isn’t his. “Benny. Sending you back there is the last thing I ever wanted to do.”

Benny looks down at the ground between them and mutters, “I know, I know.”

“But my little brother is stuck down there.” Dean’s voice becomes deeper, gruffer as he’s overcome with the emotions of this stupid fucking situation. 

Benny looks up at Dean. “This being the little brother that wants to kill me, right?”

“You got access to the place.”

“By access,” Benny says slowly, “you mean getting beheaded?”

Dean swallows and looks away. His throat tightens and he feels his eyes begin to water. He shakes his head and says, “you’re right, it’s too much.” Dean kicks the dirt. “It’s not like I’ve exactly been there for you lately.”

“What?” Benny cuts him off. “Oh, come on, Dean.” Benny raises his shoulder with the tiniest smile that breaks Dean’s heart even more. Why must this be so impossible? “You know I love a challenge.”

Dean feels the smallest flicker of hope bloom in his chest. He looks up at Benny. “You serious?”

Benny gives a small nod. “Hey, he’s your brother.” Because of course Benny understands. Of course he’s willing to risk everything for someone that’s so important to Dean. “I say let’s do this.”

“I owe you,” Dean says, voice cracking. 

Benny shakes his head, “no, you don’t owe me nothing.” He looks down at his hands. “Truth is, I could use a break from all this.”

Dean feels like the worst type of person. He wasn’t there when he should have been. Benny needed him and he didn’t come. Yet, when Dean called, Benny was here. “Has it really been that tough?”

“I’m not a good fit here, Dean. Not when I’m alone. I don’t fit with the vampires and I don’t fit with the humans.” He looks right into Dean’s eyes, willing him to understand. “I don’t belong.” Dean feels everything inside him crumble as Benny’s eyes begin to shine with unshed tears. “After awhile, it begins to wear on you.” Benny shakes his head and lets out a huff of laughter. “Right, like you need to listen to me cry you a river.”

“Well, when you get back up here, we’re gonna fix all that. Okay?”

“When I get back?” Benny asks with a snort. 

“Yeah. You’re gonna find that portal and you ride out of purgatory with Sam just like you did with me. Okay?” Please promise me, Dean doesn’t say out loud but screams in his head. He can’t lose Benny. Not like this. Not before he’s even had the guts to tell him how he feels. “As soon as we get done here, I’m gonna be hauling ass to Maine and I’ll be there, Benny. I’ll be waiting for you topside.”

Benny nods his head shakily. “Alright. That sounds like a plan, Chief. Let’s get on with it.”

“You sure about this?” Dean has to ask because he’s not sure of anything at the moment. 

“This ain’t my first rodeo, mate.”

Dean turns away, grabbing the machete out of the backseat of Baby. The familiar weight which usually brings him reassurance now only causes dread. He turns back to Benny to see the vampires eyes glued to the blade. Dean tosses the blade into his left hand, stretching out his right. Benny takes it instantly and Dean pulls him into a tight hug. 

“Thank you,” Dean gets out, voice breaking. 

“Anything for you, Dean.”

Dean pulls back, only enough to look into Benny’s blue eyes. “But why?” he asks, feeling more and more broken as the second tick by. “Why are you doing this for me? I wasn’t there for you but now here you are, picking up my mess.”

Benny gives him a sad smile. “You know why, Dean. It’s because I lo-”

But Dean cuts him off by laying his lips against Benny’s. They’re soft and supple. Benny’s stubble scraps Dean’s cheeks, lighting his insides on fire. He wishes he could just freeze this moment and live in it for awhile, but he can’t. He pulls back and both of their eyes are shiney with unshed tears. 

“Don’t you dare,” Dean grits out through clenched teeth. “You don’t get to say that now.” Benny’s face falls but Dean keeps going. “You don’t get to say those words as some grand gesture, goodbye, last hooray bullshit. No.” Dean’s arms tighten around the vampire, pulling them back together so they’re chest to chest. Dean buries his face in Benny’s neck as he whispers, “you don’t get to say it as a goodbye, damnit. You say those words when you’re top side again. Those words are gonna mean the start of something, not the end.”

Benny pulls back, a small smile on his lips. “Alright, Chief. I’ll wait and say it then.”

Dean steps back and takes a deep breath. “Can you close your eyes for me? I don’t think I can do this while I look into your eyes, Benny.” Dean’s tears begin to fall and he lets them. 

Benny’s eyes shed one tear before he smiles and nods his head. “Sure thing, Dean. I’ll see you on the other side, Cher.”

Dean lets out a broken sound as he lifts his machete. Benny’s eye shut tight as he bares his neck for Dean. Dean’s hand shakes for a moment before he lets his hunter instincts take over. 

~~~

Benny opens his eyes to the gritty grey of purgatory. He pops his neck back and forth. His skin feels like it’s crawling with all of the emotions that are stuck inside him, he feels like he’s ready to burst. But he can’t focus on what he and Dean said, right now he needs to find Sam, needs to get them out of here. If he can keep them safe then he can finally get all of these feelings squared away. 

He picks up the scent of human fairly quickly, thankful that the purgatory gods spit him out close to where Sam is. 

The scene in front of him makes him quicken his steps. A vampire is about to overtake Sam but Benny is quicker. He rips the monster off of Dean’s brother, but because he has no weapon, he must use the only weapon on his person, his teeth. He buries his fangs in the monsters throat, tearing it out. 

“No, wait,” Sam rushes to say to the other man with him as Benny stands up. He spits out all of the blood from the monster. “Why are you here?”

Benny smiles his fangs at them. “Dean sent me.”

“No. There’s no way. Not my Dean,” the older man says. It hurts Benny’s heart. There’s just too many things standing in their way of being happy. 

Sam holds the older man back. “He’s a buddy of Dean’s, Bobby.”

“A buddy?” 

“A good buddy,” Benny says, emphasizing the good. They’re more than buddies but he’s not sure these people would ever understand so instead he just gives them a wide smile. 

Sam turns to Bobby. “They fought together while they were down here. He’s the reason Dean made it out.” He looks down, ashamed. “Benny’s been there for Dean more than I’ve been lately.”

They begin walking, Benny leading them towards where he knows the portal is. After a few minutes, Sam breaks their silence. 

“Listen, Benny. I know you saved my brother’s ass a few times down here and I respect that.”

“Yeah,” Benny interrupts. “And now I’m down here again trying to save your ass.” He snorts. “I’m a damn disgrace to my own people.”

Benny looks around, the pang of familiarity bringing sorrow to his chest. Last time he was here he was being hauled out by the man he’d somehow fell in love with. The man who fought beside him, shed blood with him, a love forged in a place where only destruction was expected.

“This is the spot,” he murmurs to the humans. 

“Is that it?” Bobby asks, looking up at the top of the hill where the blue light starts to open.

“Yeah, that’s it. You boys remember what I told you?”

“Yeah,” Sam says, lifting up his shirt sleeve and grabbing his knife. “Alright, Bobby, here it goes.”

Benny watches them perform the ritual, keeping an eye and an ear out for danger. Sam turns towards him, holding out his knife.

“Alright, Benny, it’s your turn.” Just as Benny reached for the knife, a growl sounded to their right. Benny turns, getting himself between Sam and the monster.

“Go, Sam. Go! I’ll take care of this.”

“Benny, no!” Sam yells but Benny pushes his back, bracing himself from the monster ahead. 

He turns one last time and says, “you just make sure you tell Dean I said goodbye. And I love him.”

The werewolf pounces quickly tackling Benny to the ground. All of his thoughts are stuck with Dean. How he’ll never get to say he loves him, how he’ll never get to kiss those plump lips again. He’ll miss Dean’s green eyes and adorable freckles. The werewolf snaps at him, and Benny feels himself giving up. What’s the point? At least he did his part and made sure Sam was safe to leave.

Sam grunts as he brings the blade down, severing the werewolf’s head from its body. He reaches down and pulls Benny up forcibly.

“I said it’s time to go!” Sam grits out. “I know I was an ass when we first met but you’ve proven yourself time and time again. I am not going to be the one to let my brother down! I am not going to be the one who let the guy he’s in love with get stuck in this hellhole again. So get your damn head on straight so we can get this done and I can carry your ass through that fucking portal.”

Benny feels his eyes prickle. “Alright, Chief. Let’s do this.”

~~~

Dean walks through the woods until he’s at the point he thinks the portal shot him from. He’s not really sure but they should come out some place close at least. Fuck, he really needs them to pop up soon because his nerves are fried at his point and he’s got no more nails to chew off from the drive over here. 

“Come on, come on,” he whispers to the empty forest. 

A loud blast and bright light floods the woods from behind him. He turns and watches as his brother stumbles towards him. 

“Fuck,” Dean says in awe as he grabs his brother and pulls him into a tight hug. “Purgatory, right? It’s a real garden spot ain’t it?”

Sam looks at him with disbelief. “Yeah,” he murmurs, still out of breath. 

Dean asks the question he’s not sure he wants the answer to. He’s not sure what he’ll do if the answer is no. “So, you get em out?” Sam looks at him, still catching his breath and Dean’s stomach sinks. Every possible outcome floods his mind. He can’t take this. His throat tightens and his eyes prickle. “Sam?”

“Yeah. Dean, I get them out. Both of them.”

Dean lets out a noise that sounds close to a sob. His knees feel so weak he almost collapses from relief. 

They take their time doing the ritual to allow Bobby’s soul to reach Heaven. They say their last goodbye’s, hoping this time they’ll stick. 

“So,” Sam says as they’re walking back to the Impala. “I just want you to know that I’m okay with this.”

“With what?”

Sam rolls his eyes. “I know I was a dick before, when it came to Benny.” Dean snorts but Sam just keeps going. “I was wrong, Dean.”

Dean turns and looks at his brother and sees only kindness and acceptance. “I don’t care that he’s a vampire. I only care that he makes you happy and takes care of you.”

Dean swallows around the lump in his throat. “He does,” Dean whispers.

“Then I expect I’ll be getting to know him a lot better since he’ll be joining us on hunts and at the bunker. No more ditching him, Dean. He needs us.”

Dean blinks his eyes, trying to hold the tears back. He never thought he’d get this. “Thank you,” he gets out.

Sam slaps him on the shoulder. “No problem, jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Sam cuts his arms and drips his blood onto Benny’s body as he says the ritual. Dean turns his back, unable to look at Benny’s lifeless body for another second. A strong hand grips his shoulder and when he turns around, he’s looking into those crystal blue eyes he’s come to love. 

Dean can’t wait another second of Benny not knowing how he feels so he opens his mouth and blurts it out just as Benny opens his mouth and does the same. 

“I love you.”

They both smile and laugh, embracing each other tightly. This is just the start of their journey. 

When Benny pulls back he asks, “so, where’s Hot Wings?”

Dean puts his arms around Benny’s waist as he leads him to the Impala. “That’s a long story.”

“Good thing we got all the time in the world, Mon Chere.”


End file.
